From Service to Uncertainty
Navigating the Veteran-Civilian Identity
Alright, Hero...
If you've ever served in the military, you know that leaving the service behind can have serious and lasting psychological effects on a veteran. So rather than get clinical on you, I'm going to break this down for you Barney style.
Odds are, if you’re reading this, you are now one of the newest members of the illustrious “DD-214 Alumni” and you’re probably feeling some kind of way about the whole thing. It turns out post-transition is a hell of a lot more complex than those TAP classes led us to believe. Yes, “us”.
You see that goofy-looking kid and the charming guy over there? Yep, they're both the same idiot: Me. We always tried to look so hard core in those basic training pictures, didn't we? Like I said... "US".
I got out in ’06 after ten years on active duty in the Army and with two MOS quals under my belt so I’ve been where you are right now and I know what you’re feeling.
You’re feeling like you’ve left behind a life of purpose plus your extended family, and now you’re standing there all alone, staring at a blank canvas that is the rest of your life… and it’s scaring the shit out of you!
That's okay. We'll get you squared away.
Before we dig in to things too deep, there are two fundamental things we have to get straight or the rest of this becomes alot harder...
1). Just like our Drills taught us back in the day: “You are not an individual!"
There’s nothing new about your situation, it’s just new to you. The good news is there is a lot of help to be had on this side of the gate. The difference between then and now is you don’t have command staff to spoon feed it to you.
2). Whether you’re dealing with depression, anxiety, or PTSD, worried about disability, feeling the loss of community, or even a more existential question, You are not alone! Read that again. Commit it to memory and make it a mantra, right now.
Regardless of your branch of service, we are all taught to “Improvise, Adapt, and Overcome” in order to accomplish the mission. Nothing's changed. That's still the job except, this time, YOU are the mission!
But, just as with any other mission, we need a battle plan. Phase One of the operation - find your new unit.
"Price of Freedom statue - Memorial Display Hall - Memorial Amphitheater - Arlington National Cemetery - 2012" by Tim Evanson is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Phase 1: Find Your New Unit
If you so much as made it past MEPS, you know that everywhere you go (and especially if you end up overseas), your unit becomes your extended family. They're your coworkers but they're also your support network and your social circle. Well, now that you're no longer being supplied a second family by Uncle Sam, it's time to find one on your own. Just search for "Veterans Groups Near Me" and the mystical and all knowing Google will help you to find your nearest veteran’s group.
This will be the first step in rebuilding that sense of belonging that you lost when you took off the uniform and drove off base for the last time. Whether it’s the local chapter of one of the national organizations like the VFW, DAV or the American Legion, chances are there’s a post near you and it’s time you went and introduced yourself. It's possible there are smaller groups in your area as well. Again, Google.
It can feel a little like an interview but remember, you're interviewing them. There are a few questions you'll want to consider, beyond location - things like cost, services offered, etc.(Association) If geography allows, I recommend checking out several area organizations. You’ll find your fit.
"The Marine Corps Silent Drill Team" by Sister72 is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
Now, lets get back to the Improvise, Adapt and Overcome ethos. There's more than a few of us who don't come from New York, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Dallas or Miami. We live in those flyover states and while there are likely still some options available for you, there may not be as many or maybe you need a different peer group. There's no shame there. Rather than driving several hours for a meeting, consider creating a new community.(Veterans Socials)
Maybe you’re like me and you on board with taking action but you want to understand the 'why'. Why does this whole "new unit" thing matter, anyway? I'm glad you ask.
When you look back on all that we've been through in our careers, it all started for each of us as a recruit. No matter if it was Lackland, Great Lakes, Benning or Parris Island, the one constant across all was nobody walked out of those doors the same person as when they walked in. We were all changed. An article published by VetsGuardian in 2024 talked about the connection between service and identity, and said the "connection between military service and identity remains a powerful aspect of many Veterans’ lives, influencing their self-perception, values, and personal growth long after they leave active duty."
Like most of the experiences through out our careers, civilians who haven't been there can't relate. That can be a very lonely feeling. Your new unit puts you right in the middle of a group of people who have all shared your experiences and who have been exactly where you are now. Sure, you’ll be the FNG but that just means someone’s going to look out for you. Regardless of what your needs are, I’d bet you the jalapeno cheese spread that there’s someone there who’s not only dealt with it but has come out the other side. They’re going to hand you a phone number and say “Call this guy. He’s a good man and he’ll get you squared away”. Trust him. Call the guy.
That brings us to Phase Two of the operation...
Phase 2: Find Your New Mission
When I first claimed my DD-214 Alumni status, I was a dumb kid who'd gotten lucky. I'd landed a government contract position on Ft. Sam and I left it behind to follow a brunette north to Washington state. We won't talk about how that was a boneheaded decision. For me it was a pivotal learning experience: the move into the world of corporate America ultimately led me to realize that I needed meaning in my life above and beyond increasing the size of my bank account. I needed to be doing something that mattered.
That little “service before self” ethos that was drilled into our heads all those years ago? Yeah it'd made itself a nice nest in my frontal lobe and that's where it's been where it’s stayed ever since. I needed to find my purpose and, although it took me awhile to get there, I finally did. Now it’s time to find yours. Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones and providing for your family is enough but, if you’re not, that means I'm talking to you.
Maybe you find your meaning on stage, in church or maybe it's in volunteering at the local food bank. Community involvement can be a huge morale booster (Richman) If that's you, outstanding. Go. Do the thing. If you're one of us that wants to find meaning AND a little more fiscal stability, I'd like to introduce you to my good friend
"The Job Board!".
A literal side note here: If you have recently left the service and had a valid security clearance, do not pass Go and collect your $200 but proceed immediately to ClearanceJobs.com.
Your clearance has a ‘sell by’ date so you don’t have time to waste.
"United States Department of Labor (53840039586)" by ajay_suresh is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
Before we wade in too deep, I want to caution you on the distinction between a job and a career. In 2015, Courtney Trusty's article really nailed the difference and it's something you need to grasp or you're setting yourself up for failure: "Jobs are steppingstones and a means to provide for financial obligations. Careers are the pursuit of one's life work." (Trusty).
There are literally hundreds of job boards out there. I'll provide a list in a moment and, I'm sure, some you will have covered in TAP but, as a veteran, you have a very particular set of skills. With those skills come a special set of opportunities available to you in veteran-focused job boards that you should absolutely take advantage of. Just remember to clean up your language, high speed! (Hale)
If I'm making a recommendation, it's Department of Labor: VETS. The thing I was most impressed by on the DOL's Veterans’s Employment and Training Service program is that it offers access to veteran-exclusive workshops as well as resources for homeless veterans and blogs full of advice and opinion pieces. You can even register to vote!
There's plenty of other job boards out there. Everything from LinkedIn to Indeed. But since we're here talking about veterans, here's a hand full of others you may be interested in checking out. But, as Lavar Burton said, "You don't have to take my word for it!"
-
There's even a LinkedIn for Veterans
"Congratulations!" by OregonDOT is licensed under CC BY 2.0.
You've landed a meaningful job with great benefits, then you went and celebrated with your fellow veterans at your favorite hangout!
But something's still not quite right...
The Third and final Phase of the operation is probably the most difficult for veterans. It's also probably the most important aspect.
So if this is the most important, why is it last? Three reasons:
1. You needed a battle buddy.
2. You need a roof over your head and food on the table.
3. We're experts at keeping it together when we need to...
until we cant.
Phase 3: Secure a Lasting Peace
It's time to get serious. For now, you just need to pull your head out of your fourth point of contact and pay attention.
I don't give a damn what your recruiter promised you, your military service probably wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. For some of us, making sure both sides of the rocks got tanned was a high point. Not everyone came out if it A-Okay and that can be the hardest pill to swallow. Admitting that we need help.
We're veterans.
We're hard core.
We have pride.
We don't need nobody!
BULLSHIT!!!
It took me a very long time to come to terms with the fact that
It is Okay to not be Okay.
But, like JellyRoll sings,
"we're all gonna be alright".
Read that again.
Regardless of how good a job you've landed or what kind of network that you've cultivated, like your yard, it has to be maintained.
Sometimes, that maintenance involves tearing into a heavy bag or going for a good run. Sometimes the maintenance means medication. I recommend caution with medication, though. I'm not ashamed to say that it's worked for me but doctors are fond of throwing medication at a problem. Remember 800mg Motrin?
Unfortunately, one of the most successful ways to maintain is also the one veterans tend to be the most resistant to. Therapy. No, not 'lay on a couch and tell me about your mother' therapy.
Group Therapy.
Group Therapy can come in a variety of different shapes, sizes and formats. Sometimes it's talking. Sometimes it's exercise, sometimes it's both.
Therapy can be a lot like renting bowling shoes:
the first one might not fit so try another one.
"File:National Problem Gambling Clinic group therapy session.png" by NPGCsoho is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
"Day 162 - Group Therapy" by Menage a Moi is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Remember when we talking about finding your unit and we said "shared experiences?" Often times those shared experiences lend themselves to shared pain and, almost to a
certainty, to a shared understanding. That is the key to the group therapy, regardless of it's form: the shared experience. In one VSO's article focused on group therapy, one of the participants phrased it quite well: "I didn't feel like it was just me dealing with my issues. It was 'Hey, we are all dealing with these issues.'" (Strength)
Just based on our own experiences, you're probably aware that there isn't much on this earth that messes with a veterans head more than feeling isolation. This mission has gone through three distinct steps to help you reintegrate you and give you the best fighting chance I know how to provide. Some people may ask if there's really a point to all this. Those people have never donned a uniform.
Just remember, whether you're searching for new meaning in every sunrise, looking for the right medication or the right therapy group, or just trying to locate your tribe, You Are Not Alone.
Ecclesiastes 1:9 says "...there is nothing new under the sun".
Someone else has been through what you're going through and whether easy or hard, work is always easier when it is shared. Share your load. Don't carry the burden alone.
If nothing else, drop me a line. Like "Viper" said, "...give me a call. I'll fly with you".
“The Veterans of Foreign Wars of the U.S.” The Official Homepage for the Veterans of Foreign Wars of the U.S., www.vfw.org/. Accessed 1 Apr. 2025.
“Disabled American Veterans Charity.” DAV, 19 Feb. 2025, www.dav.org/.
“The American Legion a U.S. Veterans Association.” The American Legion, www.legion.org/. Accessed 1 Apr. 2025.
Published September 30. “How to Pick a Military or Veteran Association.” Military.Com, 30 Sept. 2011, www.military.com/spouse/military-life/military-resources/military-and-veteran-associations.html.
“Veterans Socials.” Mentalhealth.va.Gov, Veterans Administration, 14 Apr. 2010, www.mentalhealth.va.gov/socials/#:~:text=Veterans%20Socials%20enhance%20communication%20and,on%20attendees’%20needs%20and%20preferences.
“The Connection between Military Service and Identity.” Veterans Guardian, 26 Nov. 2024, vetsguardian.com/blog/connection-military-service-identity/.
“Rurality and Suicide Risk among Veterans.” Mentalhealth.Va.Gov, U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, Jan. 2022, www.mentalhealth.va.gov/suicide_prevention/docs/FSTP-Rurality-and-Suicide-Risk-Among-Rural-Veterans.pdf.
Verkamp, Kirsten M. “From warrior ethos to obscurity: Veteran reintegration literature review.” The Journal for Nurse Practitioners, vol. 17, no. 5, May 2021, pp. 564–569, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.nurpra.2020.12.016.
Trusty, Courtney. “How to Find Passion and Purpose after the Military.” Military.Com, 18 Sept. 2015, www.military.com/veteran-jobs/career-advice/military-transition/finding-passion-and-purpose-after-the-military.html.
Richman, Mike. “Can Community Engagement Help Veterans at High Risk of Suicide.” Research.va.Gov, Veterans Administration, 22 Apr. 2020, www.research.va.gov/currents/0420-Can-community-engagement-help-Veterans-at-high-risk-of-suicide.cfm.
Hale, Jenny. “Translating Military Culture to the Civilian Workplace.” U.S. Department of Defense, 14 June 2017, www.defense.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/1213804/translating-military-culture-to-the-civilian-workplace/.
“VETS.” Department of Labor, www.dol.gov/agencies/vets. Accessed 1 Apr. 2025.
JellyRoll, et al. “I’m Not Ok.” YouTube, Only Live Music Videos, 10 July 2024, www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMqeQmn1sYE.
“Strength in Numbers: Lessons Learned in Veterans Group Therapy.” Make the Connection, www.maketheconnection.net/read-stories/veterans-group-therapy/#:~:text=Unfortunately%2C%20some%20Veterans%20hesitate%20to,immeasurable%20ways%2C%E2%80%9D%20says%20Daniel. Accessed 13 Mar. 2025.